..so moving on..

That morning, te amu na to.. Prepared naku sang anu ihambal q..nalista ko na para indi ko malipat.  He was texting me asking for forgiveness kag to start over..Although Im still scared kay basi indi na kami mag happy ulit after all that happened, I told him that we still have to talk it out since this is the only way that we can be totally healed.

Saturday morning, before I went to sleep,(kay call center ko, may duty gab'e) I still can't stop thinking. Mabalik ko or indi? Mabalik or indi? Pero deep inside, feeling q man japun magbalik.

I even asked for an advice from Mr. Francis Kong, if anybody here knows him, he's a motivational speaker with great words of advice sa love. I messaged him in fb and nakibot ko, he replied!

"God is the God of second chances. We all make mistakes. Is his repentance genuine and can he really put it in his heart that in the eyes of God and men he would not allow himself to commit the same mistake? If this is so then the experience will only make him stronger and you should never use this against him. Time and track record will tell and this is why we all need God's Grace and power to stand against temptation."

I was still in shock that the man I highly look up to replied, sa kadamo damo sang followers niya sa fb, he still has time to read his messages and give an advice to a person who he does not even know at all.

Te hibi hibi naman ko eh, but isa naman ni guro nga sign. I felt relief after that and I decided to give a second chance.

He came back last Saturday afternoon. He fetched me at home, siyempre suplada mode ang drama.. Kuno abi bitter ko japun. Haha.

We bought dinner and went to his house. We did some things, while I maintained my not so friendly attitude.. Siyempre dapat makita nya nga sakit man mu..

And then after that, we cuddled. I started asking him, "Ano gd to natabo haw? Na anu gd to haw?"

I was wanting him to tell me all the details. Why he did it, how it happened, was there flirting involved? How can we avoid? Do I have something wrong in me? I have so many questions..

And then he told me,

"Ginhambal ko lang to kay pirme na ta daan wala ga inchindihanay, kung hambalon ka katig'a man cmu.. Kay sulit sulit lang.. Natak'an lang ko sang amu to nga time kag amu to napinsaran ko nga para breakan mu nalang ko. Galing kay wala, gin forgive mo ko. "

In my head, 'liar! Ginlain nya naman ang storya hu. Ginahambal mu lang na to cover up your story para ma avoid nga storyahan ta to..'

I don't know what to belive in now. I am so confused. This is not how I expected our conversation to turn out. I was imagining maala-ala mo kaya... Isang tanong isang sagot.. We reconcile and cry and forgive and love again. My imagination did not match reality. So my questions... Ang gin lista ko.. Panas tanan. Indi naman q kapamisar..

He continued, "sang amu to na realize ko.. Indi ko man gali kaya madula ka. Din paku na kita amu na to hambal ko na forgive mo pa ko. Kag sang wala pa ko.. ga trisikad palang ta (magdul'ong ko cmu), ara ka na, sang naka motor ko, ara kaman japun biskan la ka ginasugtan mag angkas, upod kaman japun. Subong (nga naka work ko kag may car) ara ka man japun."

We laughed.

"Kung mangita man gd ko iban hapus man lang na sabton ko kay may ara ko subong pero kung madula ni bi. Ikaw halin pa sang una sang wala gd ko ginbaton mu man ko. Ara ka lang japun"

I realized he has a point. Sayang ang moments and the memories we shared kung i. let go ko lang ni..

So even if I'm not quite convinced if the original cheating story was true or not, I totally decided to forgive and forget.

If he really did it, then so be it. He learned his lesson and realized what he truly valued.

Now we're back together and he'll come home again next week. Continue ang happy moments. :)

Warped Perspective

My views of this world have now been distorted by all the lies and deception.

For real, this is much worse than being told he cheated.

I don't know what to believe in now.

I can't seem to trust him any longer. And for all that happened, I kept my mouth shut - still not knowing how to go out and express my rage. I'll just keep this burning within.

My smiles, I'm now learning to fake them. But soon after, they're followed by heavy sighs.

I'm just soooo confused. Much too confused than I ever was.

I was out of sorts and hearing another story from him left me disoriented.

It has simply established my trust issues. He might have told me the new story to cover up and avoid talking about what he told me at first.

Yet I'm not sure if he's telling the truth this time. If he did, it still pains me to think I am the one at fault afterall and he allowed me to endure it for the entire week. How cruel has he been.

He kept telling me he loves me, but what kind of love is it that demands of me to change?

Shouldn't he have accepted me for who I am at the beginning of the relationship and not look at me as a work in progress? I am stubborn and rebellious. Has he not realized that all this time? Had he changed his approach and inspired me to change, I would have willingly accepted and took the challenge.

Everything has now been negatively distorted in my mind. I can't find a ray of enlightenment in this current situation.

I can't find it in my heart to trust him anymore. I'm broken. More broken than I ever was.

I was thinking a lot about how to get this all out. So help me Lord.

I met him through a mutual friend - my Ex, who I still hang out with even after years from when we broke up.

I always thought our relationship was perfect. He was a spontaneous, funny, loving, caring, adventurous and a family-oriented boyfriend.

Although he always scolds me for my outward appearance of being plain and my out-of-date fashion, I still appreciate his concern. Yet this really seems to be the common conflict in our relationship.

I never have gotten used to wearing shorts or dresses outside our home. But due to his insistent encouragement, I am slowly getting comfortable in my own skin.

I have reasons for not wearing anything that would show my legs. Part of it would be my scars. I resent them and thought they are ugly.. Damn mosquitoes and sensitive skin! Another reason is that I hate cat-calls. I don't want to go home alone uncomfortable of people seeing a huge chunk of my skin through my legs. I am an average tall girl, so when I wear shorts, I'm afraid some bad guys may have an idea. I'm just trying to avoid that, so I refuse to go out alone wearing something seemingly provocative.

He always tells me to take care of myself and I did. I tried hard. I started doing what he suggests, wear shorts - just like the other girls, update my wardrobe, even took gluta just to make myself white. Its what  he wanted and I'm feeling he was molding me to become a girl he would like - as a display. Maybe not exactly his intentions but he was too demanding of how I should dress and wants me too look a certain way --- just like everyone else.  I thought of it as horrible as it was interfering with my own sense of style but I accepted it. I accepted who he was. I love him.

I don't know why but no matter how many times we argue, my heart just melts and can't stand not forgiving him.

Wel,  this is not a story about how I loved this guy. This is about how one night of giving in to temptation could ruin our happy relationship.

We used to hang out a lot sang ari pa siya ga work sa Bacolod. Early this year, he was assigned to Dumaguete and this is where all it started. We set arrangements, he will come home once a month, on the second month I went on a trip there to spend Valentines.

Little did I know that will be the last time I'll ever be genuinely happy with him. He came back last week. He talks about my looks again, that I'm not taking care of my skin. We had dinner that night and it just ended horribly for him seemingly pointing all the fault at me and asking if Im finding it difficult given our distance.

The next morning I went to his house and slept. We even had sex that day but I felt something was off. Later that afternoon, he dropped me off our house and I woke up to the horrifying text..

"Ga, indi ka nalang mag leave sa 19 and 26"

These dates are what we planned to have sleepover and do naughty things couples do.

I asked him why and he was giving me alibis, again because of me. I am more of a writer rather than a vocal person. I explained that I've been trying hard to take care of myself and all the things I do to be pretty for him.

He suddenly replied,

 "Ako may problema ga.."

I thought he was talking about his own attitude but it turns out it is something worse.

He caught me off guard.

He went to our house later that night.

We talked about how difficult it's been to not be staying together. For being too far away from each other. He explained how his father was already asking for a grandchild.. And to think it's just a few years since we got out of College, I can say it's too early for us both. He was thinking of me too and my 2 younger siblings and as he spoke, I saw pain. He kept saying, if only I had a child to look back to... He told me, he was finding it really difficult being away from me and he was getting tempted and might just fall onto it if this continues.

Then all of a sudden he sobbed. I saw streaks of tears rolling from his eyes..while repeatedly saying...
"May sala gd ko cmu ga... " :(

I somehow knew where this was headed and began, "May iban ka na?"

He said no and as I kept pushing for him to tell me what it was, he whispered, "nakatandog ko iban nga bayi..kag basi busong to kay hambal ko pasulod, pasulod kuno."

Ooops! That hurt. A bit. I mean a lot, but I mean Im in shock. He was crying...so there's pretty much nothing I did. I stood there, beside him, feeling pity for our demise. We were both miserable for what happened. All our dreams together, shattered, our once innocent and happy relationship, broken. I was crushed. But I can't react violently. I felt like I was the strong one for having maintained my temper. He kept assuring me, "Ikaw ang palangga ko.."

Apparently out of guilt, he told his mom about it and her mom, pushed her to tell me or she will tell me herself. "Palangga ka ni mama, sang family ko, "

Was he finally realizing his mistake?
"Huya huya gd ko cmu ga.. Ka gago b sakun. Nagpadala dala man."

After a few useless questions I found out it was over beers with some girl who was a client from work. He's a salesman with good PR..apparently with bitches. Fuck. It really hurts to think about.

 It was a really tough situation, remembering our plans together when the right time comes and the years we spent and memories we shared.  It must be the temptation that caught him in that situation. I wonder what came into me, I never got mad.. I never shouted at him for being so weak. Instead I found myself consoling this person who wronged me for crying over his mistake. Besides, what's done is done, I can cry and cry but it will not take back what already happened. I can never imagine how graceful I accepted the news without getting wild. My friends find me stupid and kept reminding me of how unforgivable his mistake was.. But deep in my gut, I can feel his apologies are sincere. I pity him for feeling he cant forgive himself when I'd already done so, as soon as he confessed.  I've been reading about relationship testimonials and counsel advices online, and I've read that we can still find healing only if we talk it out and face the issues. I don't plan on leaving him, hoping he's learned his lesson from this crisis. Apparently couples who survive this came out stronger to face trials together. Maybe it's just a wake up call or an opportunity to open up with one another. Will that be even possible? Or once a man has cheated, he will forever be doomed to be one? He accepts that it was all his mistake for falling into temptation and for not being contented with what we have and admits he has realized it was a big wrong move that has ruined the relationship he valued.  I'm just worried we might not be happy again even if we got back together. Should I give just one more chance? Or shall I let this go altogether?

I am Ms. Brightside

I always loved the song Mr. Brightside by The Killers and never thought it would be so comforting to listen to it over and over. I didn't realize this song is about being unfaithful. I always based my perceptions on the video showing drag queens dancing in front of old rich men. 

I never expected everything to crash and end up like this. I always felt that I have a perfect loving relationship with a person I trusted a lot. I trusted him. A lot. I was always comfortable being around him. He was a really sweet lover. I believed we had forever to ourselves. But I can now attest to every broken-hearted individual and say "WALANG FOREVER!"

Call me bitter. But the pain just stings.. the visions kept repeating in my head. I can't help it but make the actual situation even worse by overthinking. I've never experienced this for the past 22 years of my existence.. and then this.... Happy Birthday to me! (said in full sarcasm)

I do believe it was ultimately his bad decision for letting his instincts take over his conscious mind and not thinking and considering the consequences of such actions.

It's true that alcohol lowers your inhibitions, so yes, it can affect the "decision" to cheat. But it won't "make" you want to cheat if the thought wasn't already there in the back of your head. The difference is, had you stayed sober you would have bottled up the desire better.

If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know how awful it feels. Those seething feelings of anger, sadness and confusion, all mangled into this ferocious pit at the bottom of your stomach.

And, while you’ll inevitably still feel betrayed, the experience could serve as a wake-up call, a pivotal make-or-break moment in the relationship to figure out where you made a wrong turn and whether it’s even worth fixing.

To do list

Should you ever forgive a cheating boyfriend/girlfriend?

If no, why not? If yes, why and under what circumstances?

87 ANSWERS

Claire J. Vannette, dates and has relationships

50.9k Views • Claire has 470+ answers inRelationship Advice.

Claire has 42 endorsements in Dating and Relationships.

Should you forgive a cheater? Sure. It's good to forgive. When the hurt and anger are really intense, it might not be possible, but ideally you let go of the hurt and anger as time passes. 
 
Now, whether or not you should remain romantically involved with a cheater is a whole other question. Forgiving someone who has wronged you doesn't necessarily mean keeping them around so they can wrong you again. When deciding whether or not to stay or get back together with a cheater, I suggest considering:
Do they take total responsibility for their actions? No hedging, no excuses, no "Well, see, I was super drunk ..." and absolutely NOTHING that suggests YOU are to blame for the cheating.Do they understand why they did it? Not just why they had sex with the other person, but why they were willing to have sex with the other person knowing that it would involve lying to you and breaking a promise. Do they like the thrill of being bad? Were they trying to sabotage themselves? Did they feel trapped somehow, like this was the only way to have enjoyable sex? Did they sincerely believe this was the best of several bad choices? There are lots of possible motivations behind cheating.Do they have a plan for not doing it anymore? To me, a promise without a plan is meaningless. "I'll never cheat again, baby, I swear" is much less persuasive than "The next time I feel tempted, I will think about what I really want and discuss that with you."Are they willing to rebuild trust? Sometimes, when people have lost your trust, they will resent the fact that you don't trust them anymore. That's a recipe for disaster. Of course, on the flipside ...Are you willing to rebuild trust? Sometimes, when people have lost your trust, you sayyou're willing to trust them again when you really aren't. If you're going to become super controlling and paranoid, just end things.Unfortunately, there can also be practical considerations like "If our relationship ends, will I have a roof over my head?" Be really clear with yourself about those things, and if you decide to stay because of something like that, immediately begin working on a plan to address the logistical problems so you can leave.

So I slept. Then I woke up. I thought all the pain was gone, but it's all coming back to me now.

I can keep myself away from visions of him holding another girl, his hands caressing her skin.. Her arms, her legs.. when it should have been me.

It fucking hurts.

It was what I feared most to happen with Mark Jeff when we were still together on our 35-day, short lived, long term relationship.

It did not happen - or at least I did not know.

It just pains me to think that of all people I trusted wholeheartedly, the person I least expect to have done it could break this trust and fall into the tempatation.

It just fucking sucks.

It fucking hurts to think he had been so weak. This is too damn messed up.

I just never expected that my theory of drinks around bitches would come true with the single person I trusted for his self control under the influence of alcohol.

Guys will always be guys.

Self control

From questioning his self control.. And now here I am tested with my own self control.

I will not send a message... A text...nor call..for at least a week. I have to stop the urge of greeting him good morning. I have to avoid constantly checking my phone. I will send no reply. No nothing... Our relationship is afloat. The conversation, not finished. Questions, they kept ringing. I'll close my eyes now and sleep this over.

Oh what am I to do without this blog to keep me level-headed. I have a lot to say... I'll just say it when it's time.

F word

All I can think of right now is a repeated loops of the F-word. Not because I enjoy doing it but it's the only word that can concisely explain how messed up the situation is right now.

F...F....F...F..FUUUUUCK!!!

The stinging pain.
I don't know why I feel it in my chest. The hypothalamus is in the brain. Does it have  nerves that send signal to my heart allowing it to feel crushed and crumpled and weeping?

Calm after the storm

It was supposed to happen that way but my mind is acting in reverse. I was calm at the time but the longer I  allow myself to think and dissect every detail and question everything, my mind starts racing and all the emotions get mixed up.

The roots of it all, the evils of alcohol, how weak of a person you are, how mindless and insensitive you have become.

Right, it may be okay in the short term but when conflicts would arise in the long run, I would never forget since this mistake has stained my trust and it will take a lot of effort to regain in back. It will just keep on replaying on our minds.

Paranoia, guilt, disgust.

Over and over and over and over...

FUUUUUUUCKKKK!!!!!

I want to scream and let this burden out.

I always have a delayed reaction and after a few hours, Im beginning to realize... It fucking damn hurts.

Forgiveness

It's always easy to set expectations. It's always easy to say you can't forgive - no questions asked - if something unacceptable has been done by someone you care for.

But what if the thing you feared most would happen out of the blue?

No warnings. No nothing.

I felt this too.

It's not real. It would not sink in. It would take a lot of convincing before I can believe this is real.

I feel a tinge of pain but for the most part, I simply don't care.. It was slightly expected, but I'm still in a state of shock.
As soon as he told me he cheated, I felt pity on this little boy who had little self-control.

I can't even think of ditching him at the time. All I want is to provide comfort and understanding. I was like a mother who was disappointed for her son yet I still can't help it but forgive and continue to love.

I used to tell him, if he cheats once, it'll be over.

But no, cheating is just a tiny part of our reality and forgiveness and love still prevails.

I always thought we only argue over petty stuff, but when something greater comes along..

I'll always end up forgiving the man I love.

Love is a tragedy.