Nimble

Okay, I just submitted the application I long have been wishing to submit. After all the searching of legitimate pictures that I could attach, Finally I was able to send something sensible. Finally those nonsense shots of my face got used. I'm still shaking. Something inexplicable is  going on within me. I think this is what you call intuition. A very strong intuition.

Oh Lord, I can feel something in my gut. Something that feels like good news.  Yet still I could not know now verify if  I could come through with all those beauties who applied for being a B L A C K O U T MODEL. haha. Stupid. I applied to be a model when I can't even have enough time for sleep work and school.  This feeling have been so familiar to me, even then. Feels like something is uneasily trembling from within me. Whew. If I would be a model, then we'd be fair. Then enough to see other guys who could replace him. Bwahahaha.. What a dream.

Aaahh... I feel so restless at this time. I'm trembling for no reason at all!

I'm shaking. Sometimes facebook really helps in revealing the truth. He moved on...to ANOTHER. I should have moved on. It's over. Stop it Georgia. He's just made you fall for his stupid games. Now I see another victim. She's taller. Prettier, and of course, She's a model. What else could he ask for? He's been masking the truth with his subtle lies. Kind, sweet, seemingly concerned words that have fooled me even from the very beginning.

Grow up. Grow up. Grow up.

beep

vIBRATE..sNOOZE... sUPRISED TO SEE HE MESSAGED ME.

KoRnFlaKes

I can feel this tiny spark of excitement, and somehow this emptiness. I'm missing him--too badly. I can still recall that feeling, all those times when I'd check my phone knowing I can expect him to send me a message for even once within the day.

That sense of completeness when although were not together, yet knowing he's there for me. Those times when I always had someone to share things with, someone to share my thoughts with, someone to share this passion with.

Now I could not expect of him any longer. He will not be there anymore. Avoid him as much as I can. The wall of pride will serve as divide.

Why should I lose my life out of letting him slip down though my hands. He's been my greatest gift with a ribbon on it. But now I'm seeing everything he lacks.

Losing him should have cut through so deep. Yet the many times he's failed me helped me move on in just a day and not dwell much on the depression state since we called it off when we still continued with our 'unfinished business'.


I'm sot supposed to hate him. This could only be an aftermath of the feeling of having been tricked. I was not stupid enough to just be tricked by an 'immature boy'. I wanted it.

And then this-- Just when I thought all is well, when all is going monotonously boring, he said STOP.  We end it.  It's over. And now I'm left with no hopes of coming back. no, not him. It could be anybody else but NOT him.

Things always went on with complete spontaneity. None if it was planned.  From the time we met, to the time we fell, to the time we concluded it.

He always seemed true. Yet I never could recall I felt his love was real. I simply held on to it. With no plans of letting go. But fate has its own way of breaking things apart. When you'd come to think this will never come to an end, for no reason you can find to cause an end to this 

seemingly perfect relationship,  there you will find yourself looking for some piece of thrill. 

Should I still hope further? Will he be coming back? I guess not. Nor will I ever take him back. Enough is enough. He's hurt me that much that I've become so immune to the pain he has been causing me since the beginning of us.

The story of us seems like a tragedy now. No happily ever after, I'll just have to find someone who know how to treat me better. Someone sensitive enough that I'm here and that I exist.

All Around Me

Chaos inside. Screams haunting from within me.
Am I still alive? 

I can feel this emptiness inside. There a huge hole that's been punched out. 
Lost. Like a restless soul hovering over the waters, with nothing to walk on and to have rest for a while.

As I am trying to focus on myself, the more do I get detached from who I am. Restless, could not find where am I now?

Have myself know and realize what's the point of surviving, From where I am and where I'm headed to each morning.


Sleeping at daybreak, being paid to stay up all night and get bored.

I wanted to doze off. I'd love to sleep for all eternity. When can I find rest? where can  i find rest.

So many questions, been trying to figure out how do I get myself to know


"WHY AM I STILL HERE?"


Sometimes I think that I am living for nothing, nonsense, Why am I still here? 


Shouldn't I be focusing on my goal?
Of what's to come in the future?

The Carabao Suite

Finally. Got it. 'Glowy-fying' the image I've taken a few months back. Come' On, Dream on. It's not that I've learned the skill but I pretty much relied on experimentation.

Incognito Window from Google Chrome

Eight twenty four. Plus 3 hours. Make it 11:24 p.m. Now I'm beginning to love Chrome. Literally. This incognito window shall save me, I must say.

Google has been innovative in many ways. And for something that I never even knew I'd be using, this incognito window is indeed a useful tool for me atleast, here at work, for browsing unrelated sites such as this!

With this Google Chrome feature, Pages you view in this window won't appear in your browser history or search history, and they won't leave other traces, like cookies, on your computer after you close the incognito window. Any files you download or bookmarks you create will be preserved, however.

Going incognito doesn't affect the behavior of other people, servers, or software. Be wary of:

+Malicious software that tracks your keystrokes in +exchange for free smileys
+Surveillance by secret agents
+People standing behind you

Be invisible, Go incognito, Now!