I wonder how your conscience can take it and how you can sleep soundly at night knowing someone can't stop thinking of your betrayal and cries herself to sleep.. I wonder what guts you have to stay in a relationship with that girl at the same time knowing you're not being honest with her.. it may sound nga bitter ko pero kung sa iya ka lang japun dex, daw ka wrong gd ya.. I'd rather stay single rather than keep living with the same reason why I hurt someone. Indi naku ni ka gwanta nga cge communicate cmu. Madula lang ko guro danai sa life mu dex.. kasakit pa b japun. This is another attempt to not communicate. Kadlawi lang kay nagligad naghambal ko nagreply ko japun cmu. This time,I'll try my best not to. Just let me know if you're ready to talk kung ari ka na di.

Update: Due to some understimations and a wrong move done, another kind evil thought crossed my mind for revenge. And this is how I came up with this long epic story..

Although right now I can somehow sense the guilt creeping in, this is the only way I can let go of him. I'll just keep reminding myself that I am doing it for the good of the both of us.

An Attempt to Forget

I do not deserve to be treated that way. If he values me and respects our relationship, he will be mature enough to stay away from any diversions.

He does not love me just as much. The fact that he was confused with who to choose at one point, it only means he does not fully love me anymore.

It may sound that he regrets being in this situation, but I should not be fooled. He never even thought about the consequences that his actions may lead him to.

Its painful knowing I've been cheated, I know. What's good about this is that I'd get to practice my sarcasm, I'd become more productive, creative and I could focus on myself more.

What just hurts me the most is the fact that I trusted him wholeheartedly only to be broken by the very person I gave it to.

What also haunts me are the thoughts of possibly having a future together and just because of a careless decision, all of a sudden it's all gone, and nothing can ever be done to fix it.

I just love seeing him suffer. I'd love it even more if I could teach him a lesson.

Somehow, I would love this story to turn out the same way as John Tucker Must Die...or that Cameron Diaz movie, The Other Woman. He'd get what he deserve someday.

Again, reminder to self, he does not love me, I doubt if he ever regrets the ending of our relationship since he still has another girl waiting for him, staying with him all this time while I handle this alone.

If he says he's sorry, I now learned it was not for repentance. It's merely sorry for hurting me for his actions which were in the first place was his selfish choice and I only happened to be a victim.

Remember, I am all alone. He moved with another, I gave up. It was a choice. It couldn't have just happened. Everything happens for a reason. He has his own reasons.

There are way more hot guys around. I should not even think twice about leaving him.

He's lacking some height for a girl as tall as me.

He was always trying to change me. Mold me into the girl he envisions. I always felt like what he's looking for is a trophy girlfriend who he can brag among his friends and that boost his ego. Such an egotistic retard!!!

I dress chic. I am not cheap. I will not stoop down to that level.

Like poles always repel. We are these magnetic forces always clashing with pride and attitude. He's demanding. I'm headstrong. We cannot always agree on anything.

I don't feel butterflies when I'm with him. No such element exists in our relationship. No sparks fly anywhere. It's just the peaceful and calm feeling I get when hugging him.

It's mostly sexual. We are both agressive. All I think about when I'm with him is sex. Where is the love in our relationship?

He's insufficient. I'm insatiable. I could not live with only one round. I should have atleast two.

He can't find my G-spot. Only I know where that is. I only orgasmed once in the 29 months we've been together.

I want something longer, harder.

I am open for anything. Any position. He's just too conservative to explore other options.

He always points out my flaws. Because of that, I always endure self pity and low self esteem. He should  have been someone to tell me I'm beautiful.

I never heard him sincerely show his appreciation for me. All I hear is him mocking me for every flaw he sees and unless I tell him to, he would never say truthfully that I am beautiful. Unless I start saying it, he wont tell me 'I love you.'

He's always irritable. He always scolds me for whatever reason he could find. He always finds a reason so we can start arguing and have a small fight.

Because of these things, I always come to thinking, "Why am I still with this guy?"

He's an egotistic, self-centered, insensitive, insecure, conceited, bragging, short-fused, controlling, heartless USER and since I'm of no use and he's busy with his new project, he will just put me aside and forget we ever had special moments together.

There were several moments I could recall finding myself wanting to get out of that toxic relationship.

And now I'm free, thanks to him for paving the way, I should find someone who would love me more than I love him. Someone who would treat me as his queen. Someone who could see my worth and remind me everyday how thankful he is to have me.

I deserve someone better. Someday, I'll be appreciated and God will bless me with that person whom I can finally say is "The One".

An Open Letter to my Ex's New Girlfriend

Hi,

I never knew you. I doubt you'd ever know who I am. We'll just be these nameless girls we already are in each other's life.

But first, I want you to know that I don't blame you for anything. You never knew. It was the asshole of OUR boyfriend - who can't set his timeline straight - who was the one to blame.

I'm writing this letter to tell you a story.

No, it's not to break things off between you two, but to remind you to always be careful and remember to love yourself.

We met at a very unexpected time.

Karma really does strike back and now I believe it.

Would you believe that we met through the introduction of my previous boyfriend whom I never got closure with?

Now I realize I hurt him a lot for leaving him in the dark when I began a relationship with our guy. The betreyal, the pain, I know I hurt him a lot.

But I still went on. I was comfortable, I was happy. All the effort and time that I never got from my past relationship, he gave it to me.

But deep in my gut, I still feel the love we shared was temporary. I just didn't belong with him. I knew whatever we had is something borrowed.

Until I began opening my eyes to the possibilities of having a future together. I decided and convinced myself that he was now my reality. And magically, it just happened. I fell in love.

It's not about all the good things that I see in him but as well as those things that I hate yet I still accepted. I turned a blind eye on his hot temper, his not so tall height, his oily face and pimples and his tiny..... just kidding, nevermind.

But beyond all those, I loved him for being a good son. I can see how he really loves his family...I knew he loved them more than me. Which is why I know he values being accepted by the family of the person he loves. In that case, he found that in you. :) Sadly, it's just something I don't get to have a control over.

He's also a very thoughtful guy. Though money-wise, he's really practical. He'd rather spend money on food, rather than buy roses to please you. But that's not a flaw. We should understand he's working hard for his future and he's just wise to know the value of what he's worked for.

Overall, he's a kind-hearted individual. He may hide behind his mask of an arrogant and proud tough guy, but behind it, you'll see his sweet golden heart.

I wanted to write and list down everything I should hate about him yet I always go forgetting it, especially these days when losing him is the most painful thing that ever happened. Maybe its my way of coping with the situation. I'm just holding on to the beautiful memories that it overshadowed all the negative things I was seeing in him during the time when I felt like almost giving up. You'll definitely appreciate someone's worth when you've already lost them.

So promise me girl, don't hurt him even more. Make sure he gets the love that he deserves, understand him in his weakest moments and love him wholeheartedly for who he is. And if you're having doubts, remember he's a beautiful person inside and I loved him just as that.

For all the memories and the lessons I learned, I am so grateful I got to experience having Dexter Calamba in my life.

He's worth it.