An Attempt to Forget

I do not deserve to be treated that way. If he values me and respects our relationship, he will be mature enough to stay away from any diversions.

He does not love me just as much. The fact that he was confused with who to choose at one point, it only means he does not fully love me anymore.

It may sound that he regrets being in this situation, but I should not be fooled. He never even thought about the consequences that his actions may lead him to.

Its painful knowing I've been cheated, I know. What's good about this is that I'd get to practice my sarcasm, I'd become more productive, creative and I could focus on myself more.

What just hurts me the most is the fact that I trusted him wholeheartedly only to be broken by the very person I gave it to.

What also haunts me are the thoughts of possibly having a future together and just because of a careless decision, all of a sudden it's all gone, and nothing can ever be done to fix it.

I just love seeing him suffer. I'd love it even more if I could teach him a lesson.

Somehow, I would love this story to turn out the same way as John Tucker Must Die...or that Cameron Diaz movie, The Other Woman. He'd get what he deserve someday.

Again, reminder to self, he does not love me, I doubt if he ever regrets the ending of our relationship since he still has another girl waiting for him, staying with him all this time while I handle this alone.

If he says he's sorry, I now learned it was not for repentance. It's merely sorry for hurting me for his actions which were in the first place was his selfish choice and I only happened to be a victim.

Remember, I am all alone. He moved with another, I gave up. It was a choice. It couldn't have just happened. Everything happens for a reason. He has his own reasons.

There are way more hot guys around. I should not even think twice about leaving him.

He's lacking some height for a girl as tall as me.

He was always trying to change me. Mold me into the girl he envisions. I always felt like what he's looking for is a trophy girlfriend who he can brag among his friends and that boost his ego. Such an egotistic retard!!!

I dress chic. I am not cheap. I will not stoop down to that level.

Like poles always repel. We are these magnetic forces always clashing with pride and attitude. He's demanding. I'm headstrong. We cannot always agree on anything.

I don't feel butterflies when I'm with him. No such element exists in our relationship. No sparks fly anywhere. It's just the peaceful and calm feeling I get when hugging him.

It's mostly sexual. We are both agressive. All I think about when I'm with him is sex. Where is the love in our relationship?

He's insufficient. I'm insatiable. I could not live with only one round. I should have atleast two.

He can't find my G-spot. Only I know where that is. I only orgasmed once in the 29 months we've been together.

I want something longer, harder.

I am open for anything. Any position. He's just too conservative to explore other options.

He always points out my flaws. Because of that, I always endure self pity and low self esteem. He should  have been someone to tell me I'm beautiful.

I never heard him sincerely show his appreciation for me. All I hear is him mocking me for every flaw he sees and unless I tell him to, he would never say truthfully that I am beautiful. Unless I start saying it, he wont tell me 'I love you.'

He's always irritable. He always scolds me for whatever reason he could find. He always finds a reason so we can start arguing and have a small fight.

Because of these things, I always come to thinking, "Why am I still with this guy?"

He's an egotistic, self-centered, insensitive, insecure, conceited, bragging, short-fused, controlling, heartless USER and since I'm of no use and he's busy with his new project, he will just put me aside and forget we ever had special moments together.

There were several moments I could recall finding myself wanting to get out of that toxic relationship.

And now I'm free, thanks to him for paving the way, I should find someone who would love me more than I love him. Someone who would treat me as his queen. Someone who could see my worth and remind me everyday how thankful he is to have me.

I deserve someone better. Someday, I'll be appreciated and God will bless me with that person whom I can finally say is "The One".